Milwaukee’s Hoan Bridge Dares Any Cargo Ship To Try That Shit

MILWAUKEE – After seeing the tragic events unfold in Baltimore this week, Milwaukee’s skyline bridge The Hoan released a statement assuring locals that it would not suffer the same fate if put in that situation.

“I’d love for that ship to come here and pull that shit, my cousins the KK can opener, you see what he can do to trucks so just think of my powers! I got parts on me that come from north and south side Milwaukee, fucking try me bitch!”

While city engineers agree with the bridge’s statement, they did mention plans to install a large marker 2 miles off shore that will read “Port of Muskegon, MI.” This will cause ship captains to reconsider their course, and come nowhere near the Hoan Bridge.

Allen Chalmers Reporting.

Photo: Eric Halverson