Local Tick Calls Upcoming Wisconsin Summer “Career Defining”
PRINCETON, WI – After attaching himself to a third Labrador retriever before noon Tuesday, local Wisconsin tick Randall H. described the upcoming summer as a “career defining” for himself and others in the industry.
“We haven’t seen numbers like this in years,” said the blood-engorged parasite while being flicked into a campfire by a father of three. “The mild winter, all the rain, people wearing shorts into the woods, it’s all coming together nicely.”
Ticks across Wisconsin are reportedly experiencing record-breaking success this season, with many describing state parks as “suck city.” Some ticks claim they are becoming so overwhelmed with opportunity that they’ve had to begin turning down ankles.
“At a certain point you gotta prioritize,” Randall explained. “You see a sweaty hiker, a golden retriever, and a toddler running through tall grass all at once? You can’t do it all.”
Meanwhile, Wisconsin health officials are encouraging residents to take preventative measures such as bug spray, regular tick checks, and “just staying TF in the crib this summer.”
