AMFAMGANG FIELD, WI – In a not too surprising twist for the Brewers, Mark Attanasio has announced a new budget friendly measure to switch the main uniform and equipment supplier to the Goodwill on 43rd St. In West Milwaukee.
“It’s super close, I can just stop there on the way in each day, so boom, no more shipping costs. I found shirts that were all the same colors, and some gray baseball pants. They even still had our older uniform designs, that’ll work for the retro days!”
“Once I can get the urine smell out of some of these pants I think we’re set. The catching, fielding, and batting equipment is fairly well used, and might be children’s sized, but again, they’re playing in fucking dirt. They’ll be fine.”
“I just got half my supplies for a total cost of $39.67, that’s like 10,000% savings. I don’t care how they look on the field, and if anyone has an issue, maybe they should look at my Ace pitcher who thinks he deserves a raise because he won some award called Cy Young. I won the Boxcar Derby in 5th grade, where’s my raise?!”