Brewers Promote Chorizo To Vacant Manager Position

MILWAUKEE –  The Milwaukee Brewers will be promoting from within to fill the sudden void in the team’s manager position. This morning, owner Mark Attanasio announced that Chorizo will be assuming the role effective immediately.

“Chorizo has proven himself as a leader, as captain of the Racing Sausages he’s managed to keep that crew on a tight ship, even with some of the personal issues some of those sausages have endured over the past few years. He finally got Bratwurst out of his past drug use, for now. We need someone like that managing this ball club. I’m confident he’ll maintain that same energy in the locker room.”

Attanasio continues,

“This team has lacked confidence, and I think that has to do with Craig always looking panicked in the dugout. Chorizo has been showing the hunger to win, and I think it’s about time we add some spice to this mayonnaise-ass club. He’s not afraid to play dirty, or put an out of order player into his place.”

While Chorizo is an exciting add to the Brewers leadership, There are some concerns about his on-field discipline. Chorizo has been ejected from the field multiple times. Most recently this past August he was ejected after telling the 3rd and 1st base umpires “Me cago en tu madre” While running the track.

Allen Chalmers Reporting.