MADISON, WI – Deer hunting has been a cultural phenomenon in Wisconsin for over 100 years. With the nine day season ending this past Sunday, the deer saw their opportunity to strike as a heavily armed mob of whitetail deer calling themselves the “Proud Bucks” attacked the Wisconsin State Capitol building.
The attempted coup by the Proud Bucks was not a spontaneous act as it had been stoked in plain sight.
“Every year, Wisconsin hunters harvest nearly 100,000 deer,” explained Wisconsin’s Department of Natural Resources secretary Boffa Demnutties, “It should have been no surprise to anyone that the deer were infuriated to the point of an organized attack.”
Demnutties admitted there was complacency on the part of the state government despite Wisconsin hunters amassing an army of over 600,000 during the deer season. Technically, this constitutes the 8th largest army in the world during the season.
Unfortunately, most of these hunters were relatively ineffective against the army of 1.7 million deer especially with organized leadership.
“The hunters were either asleep, drunk, a terrible shot, or waiting to shoot a trophy buck,” Demnutties continued, “They were quickly overpowered.”
With the deer season officially ending on Sunday, the Wisconsin government was forced to call upon the military to intervene. Since this constitutes wildlife and safety, the responsibility of defending the capital fell to the DNR wardens. With the state only having 20 on staff, the deer laughably overpowered the wardens and took the capitol with ease.
The Proud Bucks have yet to issue any demands, but it is believed that it will include unlimited salt licks, fresh-cut hay, and piles of corn.
Wisconsin News Today staff contributed to this article.