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EAA: Tom Cruise Repellant Sales Soar At AirVenture 2023

OSHKOSH- This year, a new product available at the EAA promises to keep actor Tom Cruise at bay. Tom-B-Gone, retailing for $19.99, promises to keep the actor from latching onto planes and causing chaos.

Hot off the recent success of his latest movie “Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning,” Tom Cruise has been spotted wandering the grounds of AirVenture in Oshkosh looking for planes to latch onto. The actor famously known for doing his own stunts has become quite a nuisance at this year’s fly-in, and pilots have had enough.

“We’ve just had it with Tom Cruise and his antics,” said EAA spokesperson John Smith. “We decided to take matters into our own hands and create a product that will keep him and any unwanted Scientologists away from our planes.”

According to the product description, Tom-B-Gone is made from a unique blend of essential oils and Katie Holmes tears that are known to repel the actor. It can be sprayed directly onto planes or used as a personal repellent.

I recently tested the repellant on the grounds and was pleasantly surprised by its effectiveness. Not only did Tom Cruise keep a safe distance from me, but every single woman managed to avoid me as well. It’s unclear if they were aware of the repellant or if I’m just an ugly fucking dude.

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