Aaron Rodgers Experiences First NY Mafia Hit

NEW YORK, NY – Rumors are beginning to swirl after Aaron Rodgers sustained a severe ankle injury Monday night. While many people are speculating a major tear of his Achilles, there may be a chance that something much more nefarious is at play.

Since Rodgers moved to New York City, he has taken on lucrative business investments in industries such as sports entertainment, herbal pharmaceuticals (NYC’s #1 industry) and also Waste Management (NYC’s #1 industry before gentrification, now #2).

While Rodgers has maintained that these were legitimate business dealings, it seems as though his moves have angered some local families in the city.

Most recently, it has been alleged that the Sbarro crime family recently placed a bounty on Rodgers, after blaming him for some important cargo that was transported through one of his garbage trucks going missing.

Consequently, when one of Rodgers’ trucks was caught at the Canadian Border with 100 pounds of 5 methoxy DMT, Rodgers shifted blame immediately to another rival family, the Pagani family. It is rumored that the Monday night injury to Rodgers was in retaliation to this set up. 

While it remains unclear what happened to Rodgers as the investigation continues; it is important to note that Zach Wilson will once again be starting for the Jets after some random shit conveniently happens to the guy ahead of him.

Allen Chalmers reporting from Carmine’s Italian Restaurant, NYC.