Silk Exotic Plans New Wisconsin Dells Waterpark
Wisconsin’s favorite homegrown entertainment venue grows their footprint in a massive grab for market share, and we couldn’t be more excited.
Wisconsin Dells, Wi – Silk Exotic, one of Wisconsin’s most beloved homegrown institutions, has submitted plans to Wisconsin Dells Department of City Development to create what they claim to be “The greatest waterpark that the World’s Waterpark Capitol has ever seen”.
The plans submitted to the city detail a hotel featuring 369 (nice!) rooms, with upgraded rooms featuring en-suite jacuzzis, stripper poles, mood lighting, and waterbeds. The hotel is attached to a 215,000sf strip club which features many of the amenities commonly found in more standard Wisconsin Dells resorts, such as water slides, lazy rivers, swim up bars, and wave pools, but with Silk’s own, naughty twist.
Our park will feature groundbreaking, never-before-seen features that will make even Wisconsin Dells locals cringe
Anthony Stevens, Sr. Vice President of Innovation and Guest Pleasure; Silk Exotic
Wisconsin News Today’s own Richard Taste was back in the field today after 4 back-to back paternity leaves with his baby mommas turned his career upside down. While meeting with Anthony Stevens, Silk Exotic’s Senior Vice President of Innovation and Guest Pleasure, Richard learned the details of what promises to be the sexiest waterpark in Wisconsin Dells’ history.
“Our list of features is unprecedented. Both the waterpark and adult entertainment industries are often seen as dirty, and we intend to keep this one squeaky clean!” said Stevens, as he began to list their features under the condition that Wisconsin News Today would not disclose them. Fortunately for our readers, this reporter does not carry an ounce of journalistic integrity in his body. The Wisconsin News Today team was relatively lit from the complimentary drinks at our meeting spot, but from what I recall, we can look forward to the following list of amenities to arouse our senses:
- Swim Up Stripper Poles and Bars
- Spermicidal Water Treatments
- Lazy River Lapdances
- Phallic Snorkeling
- Zero Rule Pool
- VIP Wave Pool Experience
There are some obvious, more standard features to the park, such as topless life guards who have been instructed to call every guest “daddy” and a guaranteed people-watching extravaganza, but we are most excited for the all-you-can eat buffet featuring a Kwik Trip Hotspot/Rollergrill combo and a Culver’s Custard Station.
Per the City of Wisconsin Dells, the plans are up for approval at next Tuesday’s City Council meeting. Silk plans to break ground immediately in hopes of completing the project in time for the 2023 Labor Day rush of FIBS.
Richard Taste has been Nightly Reporter and Senior Editor at Wisconsin News Today since January of 2021. Dick has studied worldwide, from Oxford to Yale, and is often featured in publications such as Playboy Magazine, the New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal. In his free time, Mr. Taste formerly enjoyed traveling the streets of beautiful West Allis, Wisconsin with his mail-order ex-wife, Svetlana. Now, he spends his time wrangling his 4 illegitimate children while his baby mommas try to make ends meet at the corner of 27th and National.
