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I-94 Bike Lanes Removed After Disastrous First Day

MILWAUKEE, WI- In an attempt to encourage it’s citizens to use other modes of transportation among rising gas prices, the City Of Milwaukee late last year implemented the PEDALS TO THE METAL Bike Lane Initiative. A new program with the intention of providing bicyclists with the same privileges and benefits shared by motorists.

Slated to take effect spring of 2022, Government officials stepped in to shut down the program after over 30 individuals were maimed on opening day alone. “This was an awful fucking idea” Mayor Johnson said in an interview early Tuesday morning. “I’m seriously fucking pissed about this”. Our investigators will report more as the story develops.

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