Bastille Days Annual Running Of The Snails Leave Zero Dead, Two Goopy

Day Two of Milwaukee’s Bastille Days included the always exciting Running of Snails. Since its inception in 1974, this event has maintained absolutely no casualties.

Participants lined up on N Jefferson St with a pen of roughly 500 imported Mediterranean sea snails behind. At the starting gun, runners made their way south and turned east onto E Wells St finally completing the run with a single block up N Jackson St. As with most years, all runners had completed the route before a single escargot crossed the starting line.

The event was deemed “a disappointment” and “a waste of funds.” When asked about the event, a representative of the East Town Association responded “well, cleaning up 500 snails gives our interns something to do.”

Stay tuned for further excitement as we Crepe-Up day trois!

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