WE Energies Reveals Groundbreaking Discoveries In Using N.A. Beer As A Power Source

MILWAUKEE, WI – WEC Energy group, commonly known as WE Energies, is on the verge of a meteoric breakthrough and they are set to make they’re findings public, later on this week.

These discoveries were to be under tight lid up until then. But thanks to WNT’s reputation in the economic sectors of this state, and me agreeing to stop trying to pay my bills with Scoopie tokens, we’ve been granted an exclusive interview with a guy, who knows a guy, who’s uncle cleans the WE Energies executive bathrooms.

“It sounds like they’ve been experimenting with Non alcoholic beers and trying to turn that into power, I guess it’s the biggest surplus resource in the state. This shits just sitting in stores collecting dust all around Wisconsin, they’re paying us to take it even.”

He continues, “Even though the cost of the new fuel is now $0, and we even profit from it, we still won’t be able to lower costs for our customers. Unfortunately, we’ve recently had to give ourselves some cost of living adjustments on the executive level. You’re gonna tell them I’m just a janitor or some shit, right?”

Customers have had mixed feelings about the news, one said while he’s a bit ticked about no price changes, he was happy about there being more space in the coolers for other regular beers in stores. “I never understood the NA beer thing. I mean, here in Wisco if we don’t wanna drink we just do what other normal people do, order a Bloody Mary.”

This news also comes on the cusp of other rumours that WE Energies has failed in peace talks with Midwest competition Xcel Energy, mostly over pricing wars. “Xcel’s prices are way lower than ours, we can’t have people on our side of the wall seeing that stuff, thats a serious threat to our way of life.”

We’ll bring you news on both fronts as it breaks.

Joel Dulka reporting

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