So, Your Girlfriend Is From West Allis

WEST ALLIS, WI- Aww shit, here we go again. You’ve met someone special. You’ve been on a couple of dates, had some good laughs, but then she springs on you one of the biggest red flags. She’s a born and raised ‘Stallis girl.

At first you’ll be panicking, maybe calling a doctor, or the cops but fear not. Here at Wisconsin News Today we’ve shed blood and tears to provide you with the most important precautions to take to make sure your relationship lasts a lifetime.

  1. Start with the obvious, all sharp objects must go, as well as blunt, anything that can cut your nads off, really
  2. Hide any flushable/wet wipes, you don’t wanna know.
  3. Don’t even think about the fruity cocktail bars, she’s going to order a pitcher of PBR no matter where you go.
  4. Mavericks are a fairly affordable cigarette brand.
  5. There’s a reason she knows all the bouncers, well, could be a couple reasons but the main one is she’s been tossed out before.
  6. There’s a few Kwik Trips you won’t be able to go into, Mavericks might be affordable, but it didn’t stop her from trying to grab those cartons after 7 pitchers of PBR.
  7. Do not let her request the uber by any means. She’s puked in so many rides and also tries smoking in the car, her ratings like 1.2. We didn’t even think thats possible.
  8. Last but not least, get accustomed to the Stallis drunk tank. If you’re truly loyal to her, you’ll be spending at least a few nights a year here, minimum. Upside is once in awhile you get complimentary McDonald’s breakfast.

Joel Dulka Reporting

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