Minocqua Brewing Company’s Unfenced Dumpster Causes Mass Destruction

MINOCQUA – Panic on the streets of Oneida County today as Minocqua Brewing Company’s unfenced dumpster barreled through town at 130 mph, destroying everything in its path. Casualties are still being reported but the chaos has not subsided. The dumpster is still at large and authorities have warned citizens to shelter in place. 

“You see what happens when something as dangerous as a dumpster remains uncaged?” said Russ Fisher, Oneida County zoning official. 

Although many local businesses leave their bins uncaged, they claim that their dumpster is very nice and would never harm anyone. 

What made this dumpster snap? Was it because it was forced to stay outside in the summer heat, or was it the criminal lack of obedience training by Minocqua Brewing Company? Regardless, authorities say that if the dumpster is captured, it will be put down.