International Crisis: Sen Johnson, Vladimir Putin Recognize Breakaway Republic of Cedarburg

MADISON,WI- Governor Evers is in emergency talks with the State Department and United Nations in the face of a rapidly expanding international crisis in Wisconsin. Senator Rob Johnson and Russian President Vladimir Putin both recognized the breakaway region of Cedarburg as a sovereign nation over the weekend.

The Cedarburg Republican Army (CRA) has been waging a guerilla campaign for autonomy of this ethnic minority enclave for more than 20 years. Last week, members of the group occupied the Cedarburg Village Hall and read a manifesto calling for the establishment of a homeland for the White Anglo-Saxton Protestants (WASPs). The Kremlin released a statement the same day, recognizing the breakaway enclave of Cedarburg as, “the spiritual and ethnic homeland of Wisconsin WASPs.”

In an unexpected move, Senator Ron Johnson’s office released a statement this morning calling on the CRA leadership to, “ensure the safety and human rights of ethnic minorities living within its borders”. Senator Johnson’s press officer later told WNT, “We are prepared to begin immediate talks with Cedarburg’s government on multiple bilateral issues including diplomatic representation and international commerce.”

Governor Evers could not be immediately reached for comment. However, a source in the Governor’s cabinet told WNT that the Governor is, “Ready to stomp some motherfuckers out.”.

WNT will provide updates as the crisis unfolds.

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