David Gruber Undergoes Sudden Double Knee Replacement, Launches GoFundMe
MILWAUKEE – As photos emerged this week of Milwaukee hero David Gruber’s unceremonious exit from the surgical wing of Froedtert Hospital, GoFundMe began investigating the campaign meant to benefit the New Jersey transplant.
After the local legal celebrity was rushed to Froedtert for emergency double knee replacements, fans were urged to donate on social media with Gruber soliciting “one call” for financial aid.
His departure created a media circus outside the medical facility. He could be heard in the recovery unit singing a poor rendition of “Sweet Caroline” when his mood suddenly soured. Patients and nurses say he exploded in anger without any prompting, eventually trying to rip out his IV.
“He started screaming his usual ‘one call’ line, but then kept repeating that he’d ‘be back’. He sounded like the little freaky dude from Lord of The Rings,” one witness claimed. His mental state devolving, Gruber was last seen leaving in a wheelchair still under some degree of anesthesia.
A witness outside Froedtert caught the tail end of the incident. “By the time they wheeled him out of the elevator, was making outrageous claims like ‘Alek’s fucking dead’. He announced he had a direct line to the ‘414 Brain Trust’. He said something like ‘Fonz and Brother Ron will never stand for this’ before being placed in a car by hospital staff.”
Suspicions were raised after a tip from Milwaukee PD’s Organized Crime Unit, leading the crowdfunding giants to shut down the fundraiser and return money to unsuspecting donors. After a week-long investigation into this debacle, Wisconsin News Today was able to confirm that ownership of Gruber’s law firm is stuck in legal limbo after he placed some bad bets. It is speculated he is in for 35 large with the local mafia.
Gruber claims his betting slip was illegitimate and he doesn’t owe them penny. “I was a bit tanked because I pregamed with Bakhtiari again,” claims Gruber. “Everyone knows a bet isn’t legal if you take it when the gambler is sauced.”
“I wrote that bet in the bathroom on a napkin with crayon,” claims Gruber. “There’s piss on the damn thing, it can’t be legit. But I don’t have any more knees to break so I should be safe for a while.”
WNT can also confirm the new GoFundMe campaign for “Jeff Pitman” is in fact David Gruber as well – GoFundMe has since shut that campaign down as well.
