With the third round of stimulus checks going out, the US government was anticipated to announce a tracker website, which supposedly would allow citizens to view the status of their $1,400 payment. This “tracker” has since been revealed to be a crudely drawn treasure map.
X marks the spot, and by that I mean people will literally have to use an old piece of parchment to locate their government funded checks. The pages are littered with dotted lines, and phrases like “Ayy ye need be takin’ 10 paces t’ the west an‘ face the forked palm tree, git the medallion up t’ yer eye an the path t’ the stimulus check will be before ye.”
What was anticipated to be a sophisticated website that would allow US adults to have a clear view of their payment status, is simply a piece of paper with instructions written by a very clearly illiterate sea dog. “This is ridiculous,” said local hair stylist, Deborah Seaton, “I’ve never even seen Pirates of the Carribean.” It seems like many may have to enroll in a cartography course or two!
At this point, only the likes of Nicolas Cage will be able to locate their checks this time around. Because of this, many US citizens have been left confused and annoyed. It’s difficult to sum up their collective frustration, but I think Blackbeard said it best when he exclaimed “Argh!”