3,500 Boys Dead In Scouting America Cooties Outbreak

WASHINGTON D.C – The United States Federal Emergency Management Agency has been forced into action once again due to a severe outbreak of Cooties (Z4N1 Virus).

So far, the virus has claimed the lives of 3,500 boy scouts and is showing no signs of slowing. The outbreak began after The Boy Scouts of America changed its name to Scouting America and began mixing its male members with the female carriers of the virus.

Experts blame Scouting America for this situation, saying “Their reckless actions of allowing girls to enjoy the same activities as boys led to this disaster, and believe they should be held severely accountable for their actions.”

“The science behind this has been well established since 1st grade. What next? You’re gonna say it’s the boys who go to Jupiter to get more stupider? Give me a break.” Said one Health official.

Until the situation is resolved, Scouting America has postponed all Pinewood Derbys until further notice.