Supply Chain Disruptions Lead To Shortage Of Douchebags In Milwaukee’s Third Ward

MILWAUKEE, WI- Supply chain disruptions have touched many sectors of Wisconsin’s economy, but City leaders are raising the alarm over a troubling new discovery. Supply chain disruptions have led to a massive shortage of entitled douchebags in the Third Ward.

In the last 6 months, the number of man-buns in the Third Ward has dropped by 30% and the number of people with hyphenated last names has dropped by 48%. City Leaders are deeply concerned. Mayor Johnson recently told the City Council, “Entitled Doucebags are the economic engine of the Third Ward. Without douchebags, we could see a contraction of other key sectors like organic groceries and artisanal dog walkers.”

Experts we spoke with have cited chronic shortages of designer polo shirts, cruelty-free sneakers and locally sourced gluten-free tote bags as contributing factors to the douchebag shortage.