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Legal Cannabis Loophole Elevates WI Dairy Industry

MADISON, WI – A loophole in the state constitution led Wisconsin lawmakers to legalize the use of marijuana in cheese products. What’s the catch? You can’t smoke it, vape it, or eat it straight up; the only way the herb will be legal for consumption is if it’s infused into cheese by a licensed Wisconsin cheesemaker. 

The revelation of this legal loophole received limited pushback in Madison, with advocates touting the economic benefits of a new “cannabis-cheese” industry. Supporters also pointed out that this would make Wisconsin cheese even more irresistible, a challenge industry professionals previously thought unresolvable. 

“We’re thrilled to be pioneers in this field,” said Senator Julian Bradley, who spearheaded the legalization efforts. “Just close your eyes and imagine: pot-infused gouda, muenster, mozzarella, pepper jack with ‘special spice’…the dairy industry is the future of recreational cannabis.”

Stores and restaurants across the state are thrilled about the new opportunity. “I think cannabis is an excellent opportunity to elevate what Wisconsin has to offer. We’re already working on artisanal blends with local growers in the Fox Valley,” said Doug Simon, president of Simon’s Cheese in Little Chute, “We’re confident that our patrons will love the added buzz offered by our THCurds.”

Some citizens voiced concern over potential health risks of marijuana edibles from America’s Dairyland, or “Cheddibles” as they’re called within the cheesemaking community. Local mother Holly Stein told Wisconsin News Today she’s concerned about the fat content of marijuana-infused cheese products. She also voiced her worries about potential dairy overdose. 

For others, keeping a trim waistline isn’t as concerning as the potential for an outbreak of “cheese-induced psychosis” across the Midwest. 

Supporters condemn these concerns as intolerant, pointing out that the state has implemented strict regulations on CBD, milk-fat, and THC levels in cheese. They also say Wisconsinites should already know the risks of cheese consumption.

In the meantime, cheese lovers around the country wait patiently for the first batches of marijuana-infused dairy products to hit the refrigerated shelves. As one customer put it, “Finally, a way to get my daily calcium and get high at the same time!”

Senator Bradley said the limited legalization makes him hopeful: “Our state slogan may be ‘Forward,’ but I believe this innovation in cheesemaking will take the state Upward as well.”

Alonzo Rivera

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