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Kid Rock Straight Up Requiring You Have Covid To Attend His Shows

FLORIDA- Kid Rock has assured fans he won’t perform anywhere on his 2022 “Bad Reputation Tour” if any audience member is not infected with COVID-19. Rock made the announcement in a video on his Facebook page the morning of January 28th.

The tour is set to hit 24 super-spreader events all across North America. Kicking off in Evansville, Indiana in April, finishing up in Pine Knob, Michigan in September. Of course, this won’t happen unless each audience member has completely lost their sense of taste and smell.

Rock has purposely avoided cities like Buffalo and Toronto because of their vaccine mandates. “If you think I’m going to sit out there and sing, ‘Don’t Tell Me How to Live’ and ‘We the People,’ without a deadly and highly communicable disease ravaging my lungs, you’re fucking crazy.” said Rock. “Also, stop asking if Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is my dad.”

Fans will be required to test positive within 72 hours of the event. In order to ensure all who want to attend can, Rock has announced that there will be ‘COVID infection points’ outside each show where fans can line up to have a sweaty, old man cough and, for good measure, spit in their mouths. “I really like the fact that he has a ‘fans first’ mentality.” said Detroit resident, Shelly Donahue.

In order to maximize freedom, Rock is also encouraging fans to not wear seatbelts on the way to the show.

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