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Fuck. I Just Spent $7.99 On 18 Eggs

By: Allie

Groceries. Things we all need.

There are things we want. Things we can’t skip out on. The days of running to multiple stores to get certain brand items or deciding if the extra trip to the fancy grocery store is worth it for the GOOD sesame sticks for snacks is a hard call to make. But, let’s face it. Shit is going up. There are probably a million different reasons why, some of which I pretend to understand- but the reality is; maybe I don’t fucking get it.

The upcoming cold winter nights often call for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, hot cocoa, decent coffee, a delectable tea…whatever your grocery list may add up to, I promise you, it’s probably not as bad as what I experienced over this past weekend.

Walking to my local trusted grocer on Saturday, I noticed that my cart was getting full and fast. No biggie, I thought. I had a couple hundred bucks on me. Plenty. We’re a family of 3 adults, and one child. Groceries have gone up insane-style since the pandemic. Russian sanctions, blah blah blah. (Again, I pretend to understand all of this to the best of my mildly-college educated self.)

Higher prices are expected but… when I checked out, I gasped at my total. $350.00. For one week of food/snacks/ things we NEED. Hell, we didn’t even get much meat.

Now- were there Tide Pods in there? Cat food? Cat Litter? Sure. Toilet paper? Yeah. I’m not wiping my ass with garbage 1 ply shit. Not happening. So. Could I be making more sacrifices? Probably. But fuck, life is hard and I want my brand name toilet paper. Sorry, not sorry.

It was when I got to the dairy corner of the store that my eyes widened.

18 generic store-brand eggs. Not like, the GOOD eggs. The basic bitch eggs.

$7.99 for boujee eggs is quite one thing. The brown shells, the lovely packaging. Those deep yellow yolks. That’s flavor town right there, folks.

Are the chickens like, not making enough eggs?

I seriously wondered all afternoon as to how the fuck eggs, which were recently .99 cents a dozen, have risen to EIGHT DOLLARS for 18. What can I do other then pay? Well, I can bitch to you good folks here at Wisconsin News Today in high hopes that maybe some of you will feel my pain. Maybe you’ll say I’m a moron for paying it. Guess what? Even COSTCO had no eggs in stock all weekend. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

This holiday season, thank the neighbors and friends who bake shit and pass it out. Eggs, butter, cream, milk…the list goes on. All absolutely out of control. Grocery prices rose 13% over the last year. Something tells me it’s not going to improve anytime soon.

I’m 37 year old woman. I refuse to be one of THOSE PEOPLE who bitch about prices before they’re in their 40’s, but EIGHT DOLLAR EGGS?! Come the fuck on.

In closing, I will say that I really want some scrambled eggs and toast, and I’m gonna have that for dinner. Cheers, y’all. Happy Holidays.

It’s nice to meet you.

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