Fireworks Nation Officially Declares Sovereignty from Wisconsin

LOMIRA – In the first successful secessionist movement since the creation of West Virginia in 1863, Fireworks Nation has officially declared sovereignty from Wisconsin. Earlier this month, representatives from the five retail locations met to vote on the matter. The results were 4-0 in favor of secession, with one abstaining. 

Following years of speculation that “The Nation” might seek statehood, the Evers administration had attempted to halt exit endeavors by strengthening regulations – but the efforts were futile. The Fireworks Nation responded by bolstering troops and creating blockades around each of the territories, much like the United States Navy did in 1868 during the annexation of Puerto Rico.

“We’ve reached out to the other nations to see if we can join forces with our brothers and sisters of the Water Park Tribe, the Airventure Nomads, and the Festival Grounds Kingdom to continue expanding our borders,” says Maurice Gardetto, Head of Strategic Partnerships for the Fireworks Nation. “The Water Park Tribe has graciously agreed to host a summit on their land in the Wisconsin Dells.” 

Currently, the only holdout is from the Airventure Nomads – which is understandable considering the Fireworks Nation nearly wiped out the Nomads during a Fourth of July display gone awry. Efforts to repair their relationship are underway. 

Supporters of the secession point to the facts. “The State of Wisconsin relies on the four nations for nearly 70% of its tourism,” says firework enthusiast and pyromaniac “3rd Degree” Bernie Dolan. “The nations have historically lured thousands of Wisconsinites into their respective regions during warmer seasons while the government takes all the credit. Consolidating the nations and creating their own recreational country just seems right.”