DETROIT, MI – Barry Sanders, arguably the greatest running back in the history of the National Football League, unveiled his statue at a ceremony Saturday afternoon in front of friends, family, and Detroit Lions fans alike only for it to be tackled by a Reggie White statue for a loss of two yards.
As the large Honalulu blue cloth hit the ground, fireworks ignited to a thunderous applause from thousands in attendance to pay homage to the Detroit legend. The party atmosphere was quickly extinguished mere seconds into the celebration as a statue of Green Bay Packer legend Reggie White emerged and tackled the freshly unveiled Sanders statue for a two yard loss and again eliminating the Detroit Lions from playoff contention.
It was later reported that the defensive tackle statue assigned to block White had been shucked by White’s patented “hump move” where he threw the 3000 pound offensive lineman statue literally ten yards down field.
The sight quickly reminded the stunned crowd of the amazingly wasted career of Sanders due to the lack of several key components around Sanders’ including any semblance of a decent team. It also evoked traumatic memories of the dominant Packers defense of the 90s decade, specifically the 1994 playoff game where the White-led Packers defense held Sanders to a laughable -1 yards on 13 attempts and for the second time in two years eliminating the Lions from the playoffs.
The Lions would continue to squeak into the playoffs three more times over the next four seasons riding Sanders back only to be embarrassingly eliminated in the wildcard first round.
“It seems fitting,” Barry Sanders explained, “that the defense that forced me into an early retirement because I realized we had absolutely no chance of winning would be part of this special day.”
Dr. Jonathan H. Dong reporting and is thankful for spell check as he apparently thinks “Lions” is spelled “Loins”