Summers in Wisconsin are amazing! There’s really nothing like it but you may be finding it hard to enjoy if you’re a felon like myself. So, I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorite spots where you and your estranged family (who you’re desperately trying to reconnect with) can soak up some of that summer fun.
The Wisconsin Dells:
Nestled on the edge of Wisconsin’s driftless region. The Dells offers a wide array of family entertainment perfect for keeping those little shits entertained while you get drunk and hit up the casino. Though the motel you may stay at will most likely not provide a continental breakfast, I can assure you the screaming neighbors and loud outdoor arguments will make you feel right at home.
Imagine a rustic northwoods escape with beautiful rolling forest and clean lakes as far as you can see. This is an absolute paradise for people who love hiking, fishing and methamphetamine. Yes, you heard me. Nicknamed the Meth capital of Wisconsin, vacationers come to enjoy the great outdoors, but stay for some of the best fucking crystal you’ve ever had in your fucking life.
Looking for the same crazy intenseness that comes with living in Milwaukee but on a smaller scale? Only about an hours drive from Milwaukee is the quaint city of Sheboygan. Which promises that “even if your car is stolen, it will be done by someone with a smile on their face.” Now that’s pure Wisconsin up north.
West Allis, Wisconsin:
Looking to take the kids to a drive through zoo without having to drive all the way to Marshfield Wisconsin upsetting your parole officer? I thought so. I would like to introduce you to what locals call Dirty Stallis. Though the city itself is quite clean we all know a city isn’t made up of brick and mortar. It’s made up of people and yes, the people are quite dirty.