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Amazing Summer Vacation Spots For Wisconsin Felons on a Budget

In Wisconsin, the summers are fantastic! There’s truly nothing like it, but if you’re a felon like me, you might find it difficult to enjoy. So, in order to help you and your estranged family—who you are urgently trying to reconnect with—enjoy some summer fun, I’ve put up a list of some of my favorite places.

Wisconsin Dells, WI:

Situated on the outskirts of Wisconsin’s Driftless Area. The Dells are full of family-friendly activities, which are ideal for occupying the kids while you go to the casino and get shitty drunk. I can promise you that even if the motel you stay at most certainly won’t offer continental breakfast, the yelling neighbors and boisterous outdoor arguments will make you feel right at home.

Merrill, WI:

Imagine yourself in the rustic northwoods, surrounded by unpolluted lakes and lovely, rolling woodlands. This is an absolute paradise for people who love hiking, fishing, and methamphetamine. Yes, you heard me. Nicknamed the “meth capital” of Wisconsin, visitors flock here for the great outdoors, but stay for some of the best fucking crystal you’ve ever had in your fucking life.

Sheboygan, WI:

Looking for the same crazy intensity that comes with living in Milwaukee but on a smaller scale? Only about an hour’s drive from Milwaukee is the quaint city of Sheboygan. Which promises that “even if your car is stolen, it will be done by someone with a few missing teeth, and a smile on their face.” Now that’s pure Wisconsin up north.

West Allis, WI:

Looking to take the kids to a drive-through zoo without having to drive all the way to Marshfield, upsetting your parole officer? I thought so. I would like to introduce you to West Allis. Though the city itself is quite clean, we all know a city isn’t made up of brick and mortar. It’s made up of people, and yes, the people are quite dirty.

It’s nice to meet you.

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