Aaron Rodgers Hired As CEO Of Boeing Following Successful Career With Jets
ARLINGTON, VA – Following a series of so-called “aircraft malfunctions,” Boeing CEO Dave Calhoun has stepped down. It is rumored that he was heard yelling, “John Barnett was right” as he was promptly escorted into a blacked out, unmarked vehicle.
To the astonishment of many, Aaron Rodgers was quick to be named as the new CEO, replacing long time veteran Calhoun. Board of Director’s member Robert Bradway of Amgen Inc. reassuringly stated, “He managed to keep The Jets going for about 5 minutes, that’s 4 minutes longer than our current jets stay in the air.”
Eager to assume responsibility for once in his career, Rodgers quickly mapped out his plans for immediate change within the company. Speaking to Rodgers in a small dark room at his request, Rodgers stated, “I have demanded that 4 Airbus Executives be transferred to Boeing at a premium salary. Additionally, there will no longer be mandatory drug testing for ayahuasca.”
Rodgers mysteriously disappeared for a few minutes before suddenly returning to the interview. He continued, “First class will be limited to those who are immunized and not Nicole Shanahan.”
Before reporters were able to ask additional questions, Rodgers swiftly scurried away, appearing to have seen a man in a hat.
Reporting from a forest in Southern Oregon, Jebediah Gretzky.
