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5 Unconventional Humblebrags Wisconsin Residents Can “Ope” On Facebook About

Every year, Wisconsinites proudly head to Facebook to share that, once again, the Dairy state has been designated the most-drunk state in the country.

Much like the same person being named Employee of the Month every time, it’s kind of gotten boring. There are so many more great achievements Wisconsin is known for. Memories of football greatness. That 70s Show. That one Top Chef contestant that was from the Holyland. Making A Murderer! Wisconsin and its rich cultural history have plenty to celebrate.

Here’s five humblebrags you can roll out next time you want to impress someone in the comment sections: 

5. It may not come as a surprise to locals, but Trempealeau County was recently named #1 in bestiality cases throughout the state in a study conducted by Nielsen data analysts. “With 79 cases per 1,000 residents, and the county only having roughly 30,000 residents, it’s safe to say this is becoming a real problem,” lamented councilman Steven Levitt. “We’ve declared it a health emergency.”

4. Wisconsin has just under half the amount of hate groups as Illinois does according to the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC). Just twelve hate groups make the Badger State their home, compared to Illinois’ twenty-four. 

3. Per capita, Mequon has more people than any other Wisconsin county that have given a homeless person a few bucks and then said to themselves, “It doesn’t matter what they use that for, even if it’s for booze or drugs. All that matters is that I know I did a good thing.”

2. Out of 50 states, Wisconsin has the most podiatrists names Doug. “We checked. It’s legit,” says Doug Muellenbach, DPM. “I don’t know what it is about Dougs who can’t get enough of feet, but here we are.” The League of Extraordinary Podiatrists Named Doug is now accepting members and meets at the Rogen’s Shoes on Appleton Ave in Menomonee Falls on Tuesdays at 6:30. 

1. A respectable 67% of Wisconsin residents have lost their virginity to “Beer Barrel Polka” by Frankie Yankovic. The remaining 33% said it is probably The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot. 

There you have it. Ope away. We look forward to reporting more notable firsts and record-breaking Wisconsin feats. 

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