These Wisconsin Cities Are The Best Places To Give Up On Your Dreams And Die
NUMBER 5, MERRILL
Looking to give it all up? Look no further than beautiful Merrill. Nestled on the southern border of Wisconsin’s Northwoods this city offers a wide array of general hopelessness that any bright eyed person can easily find themselves sucked into. Oh, it doesn’t hurt that it’s the meth capital of Wisconsin.
NUMBER 4, WAUKESHA
My wife. She doesn’t even look at me anymore. We haven’t been intimate in months and I’m about ready to bury the kids in the backyard. I wake up everyday to drag myself to an office job I hate with no escape in sight. I keep a loaded gun in the safe. I’ve had a feeling she wouldn’t care if I died. With the life insurance policy and all.
NUMBER 3, BROOKFIELD
I thought I’d move out of the city to the suburbs but I never thought it’d be like this. The neighborhood association has been hounding me for months the trim the bushes in the backyard, but I won’t give in. Is there more to life than this?
NUMBER 2, FOND DU LAC
Since you moved out of Madison you thought you’d be happier? New flash buddy you’re still depressed. With water that rivals Bradford Beach after heavy rain, you can’t swim, the smell is awful and there isn’t a Wendy’s for 60 miles. Hey, at least the fishin is good.
NUMBER 1, GREENDALE
Odds are if you live in Greendale you’re already 65+. Good work! You’re more than half way there. Oh, the grandkids don’t call you anymore? Well, the phone works both ways Barbara. Maybe they’ll call next week.
One Response
Oh, man….bad timing. They’re closing UW Fond du Lac! Maybe it would have been better to go with Marinette instead of Fondy this time. Marinette was pretty much eliminated from the shape of the state in the new “Universities of Wisconsin” logo (sponsored by some electrician’s tape manufacturer) and it’s also the opioid addiction capital of the state. Don’t kick Fond du Lac when they’re already down.