Rome, WI declares war on Athens, WI
ROME, WI – Following months of tension over disputed territories, it appears the empires of Rome and Athens will begin a potentially years long war on the continent of Wisconsin.
“The Athenian empire to the north of us poses a great threat to our goals of expansion and prosperity. We have tried working out a peaceful solution, but to no avail. Our Praetorian soldiers are now preparing for a massive battle, just as soon as they finish gathering fish on the Lake of Camelot.”
Meanwhile in Athens, troops are also preparing. However, with Athens being a much smaller kingdom, it appears they will reach out to a former rival for help.
“Rome is attempting to leave us completely devoid of our traditions, culture, and livelihood. We will not stand for this. While our troops are strong at heart, they are not strong in numbers. Therefore, we have decided to put the Great War of the Northwoods Regional Basketball Tournament behind us, and enlist the help of the kingdom of Sparta.”
It appears Sparta has been the most prepared, as they have already succeeded in intercepting a supply convoy of ale heading into Rome. They hope this will drastically reduce the morale in Rome, and help the Athenians move further south towards the strategically crucial town of Wisconsin Dells faster than expected.
Allen Chalmers Reporting.
