Oconomowoc Mayor Announces Initiative To Add Three More O’s By 2030

Oconomowoc Mayor, Robert Magnus, recently held a press conference to announce the Lake Country city’s new initiative to add an additional three O’s to its already vowel-rich moniker. At the conference, Mayor Magnus stated “This is our Moon Shot. A project that I do not take on lightly but I take on with my confidence in this community.”

The small city of 16,849, sometimes referred to as “The Five O’s”, was incorporated in 1865 and was once a popular resort destination for rich Chicago assholes. Other claims to fame held by the community include hosting the 1939 premiere of The Wizard of Oz and that time a guy burst into his neighbor’s apartment with a samurai sword because he was watching porn too loudly.

Citizens are having mixed responses to the mayor’s declaration. Signmaker Derrick Miller, 34, praised the Mayor saying, “I’ve always said this community was capable of more and [this project] is exactly the kind of thing our tax dollars should be funding.”

Church Organist Florence Spielman, 67, stated “I’m worried about our children. They’re already seeing so much indecency on TV and the internet. Imagine what impact it will have for them to see two vowels together like that. Frankly, I think we need an increased consonant presence to keep them further apart.”

The initiative, which is still in research and development stages, is expected to see the first O tentatively introduced in the summer of 2025 with location yet to be determined.