Kid Spends Memorial Day Honoring Parade Candy Smushed In The Line Of Duty
WEST BEND, WI – This past Monday, the country took time to remember and honor those who died defending our country by somberly doing yard work, respectfully taking the boat out, reflectively grilling burgers on the back patio, and patriotically drinking themselves into a stupor. Perhaps the most dutiful event of the weekend: getting free candy that has been thrown during a parade.
Henry Zitsonass, a nine-year-old West Bend resident, was fully immersed in the nationalistic experience.
“I got two full bags of candy!” Zitsonass proclaimed as he held up two plastic grocery bags filled with the flavored, softened cory syrup nuggets.
Getting to that point was no easy task as Zitsonass had to fight for every piece of candy that was haphazardly strewn across the bustling side streets of downtown West Bend. Zotsonass likened it to a warzone.
“Every time a parade float threw candy, everyone just went crazy! There were bodies flying everywhere.”
Unfortunately because of the massive Braveheart-like stampede of intensely sugared children into the streets, not all the candy could be saved. Sitsonass was sure to take a moment and acknowledge their sacrifice.
“That’s what this day is all about. Remembering all the fallen candy.”
Dr. Jonathan H. Dong reporting.
