Bucky Badger Shot 15 Times in Execution-Style Hit
MADISON – Bucky Badger, the face of Wisconsin athletics, was found face-down in a Camp Randall parking lot last night, riddled with 15 bullets in what authorities are calling a “highly coordinated and deeply personal” execution.
“He had enemies, no doubt about that,” said longtime Badgers fan Mark Jensen. “You don’t spend decades running the cheese racket in this state without making a few folks nervous.”
Police sources confirm that Bucky had been under investigation for years due to his alleged connections to the underground dairy trade, but no formal charges had ever stuck. Surveillance footage from the scene shows a figure in maroon and gold fleeing toward an unregistered fishing boat, though officials won’t confirm whether this was a rival mascot or just “business as usual.”
“This wasn’t some drunken tailgate brawl gone wrong,” said Detective Sarah Mills. “Fifteen rounds, tight grouping, center mass, that’s a message.
As tributes pour in, the university has vowed to honor Bucky’s legacy while distancing itself from his “outside ventures.” A candlelight vigil is scheduled for tomorrow night, followed by a closed-casket service.
