Vacationing WI Man Accidentally Brings Back Invasive LA Wildfire Via Flight
MILWAUKEE – A Brookfield man who recently vacationed to wildfire-ravaged Los Angeles, California with his wife accidentally brought some of the wildfires back with him aboard their flight into Milwaukee Mitchell International Airport this past weekend.
“We have a very complex and nuanced system to thoroughly inspect passengers by making hard eye-contact and asking if the have any brought and fruits or vegetables,” explained Transportation Security Agent (TSA) Buck Lickinballs, who oversees the checks, “As everyone knows, out-of-control wildfires are considered a type of vegetable because a fruit is the seed-bearing part of the plant; whereas a wildfire is an uncontrolled fire burning in a natural area.”
It turns out the couple, Gerald and Mary Pewp, had no idea that they were illegally transporting the invasive wildfire aboard the plane. The vacationers deduced that one of them must have accidentally stepped into a fresh pile of hot wildfire while sightseeing and did not wipe their feet thoroughly enough before boarding. How both the TSA and flight attendants missed the wildfire is still a mystery.
“Knowingly or not, because they did not declare that they were carrying a wildfire it slipped past our tight single-question security measures,” Lickinballs continued, “Wildfires on people are easily mistaken for Guy Fieri fans adorning the obligatory flaming shirt.
Authorities are still in the process of locating Mr. Pewp, and ask that the public keep a lookout for a 6’0” male with red hair and is likely screaming due to being completely engulfed in flames.
Dr. Jonathan H. Dong reporting
