Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Bar Dice
WASHINGTON DC – This afternoon, President Donald Trump banned Bar Dice, Shake of the Day, Ship Captain Crew and all similar tavern games of chance in a sweeping executive order which is being referred to as the “Six-Sided Suppression.”
“This is a horrible decision,” stated a spokesperson for Wisconsin’s Tavern League, a powerful lobbying group representing the state’s bar owners, “However, we support it because we’re always doing terrible things. Why stop now?”
Not everyone approves of this action, and bar patrons across Wisconsin have voiced their outrage both in protest and in more creative ways. “Dice games are my life, my passion and my profession,” opined seven-time Shake of the Day state champion, Marty Fielder Jr., “I don’t know how I’ll provide for my family without them.”
To avoid prosecution, patrons of The Chicken Scratch Inn, a small family-owned bar and grill just outside of Lake Geneva, have developed a system of complex workarounds that involve a wider variety of dice, adding to and subtracting from dice rolls and even storytelling elements. At press time, one of these clever patrons realized they had just reinvented the popular roleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons.
