Several Hospitalized at Holmen Kornfest Inaugural “Corn Chugging Competition”
HOLMEN, WI – In a tradition celebrated by many in western Wisconsin, Holmen kicked off its 60th annual Kornfest offering a wide-range of activities for families and children. The newest addition to the festivities, a “Corn-Chugging Contest” was initially met with anticipation only to end in bitter disappointment.
“Every other fest has some type of contest where participants engorge themselves on a celebrated food,” explained fest director Handy Wankin, “We thought we could get in on the fun.”
Unfortunately, very little fun was had.
Ten Holmen locals competed in the event that sent nine of them to the hospital with corn-induced injuries to their mouths, jaws, and/or throats. The one contestant not sent to the hospital, Jerry Hotnut, was able to finish once full cob of corn and was considered the winner of the competition.
Hotnut described his approach to be less like a professional eater and more “blow-jobesque.”
“I realized I needed to just relax my jaw and throat as much as possible and just take that thang (sic)!” Hotnut shouted over the sounds of ambulances leaving the festgrounds,, “but I’m really not looking forward to passing this thing.”
Dr. Jonathan H. Dong reporting.
