Nation’s Police Chiefs Tired Of Your Renegade Ways
WASHINGTON D.C – In a joint statement issued this morning, the nation’s police chiefs summoned not just the police, but everyone into a mandatory meeting.
“This has gone on long enough,” Chief Reynolds began, pausing to light a cigarette inside. “You’re reckless, you drink too much, and frankly, no one wants to be your partner.”
Effective immediately, everyone will be required to hand in their badge and their gun. The chiefs explained that this move was necessary to prevent any more reckless behavior and to ensure that everyone does everything by the book.
The chiefs also clarified that going rogue is no longer a viable strategy, undercover assignments require approval, flipping your desk and shouting “I’m too close to this one” will no longer excuse misconduct.
As the press conference ended, there was no word on whether everyone would be brought back into the fold, but the chiefs advised everyone to “head to their cabins and chop wood.”
