Man Who Gave Up Drinking for New Year Has Died
Local man, Steve Peterson, resolved to quit drinking for the new year but tragically misunderstood the assignment, swearing off all liquids entirely.
“I thought it was about discipline,” Peterson’s roommate, Jeff, explained. “But by day three, he looked like a Slim Jim left out in the sun.”
Peterson’s extreme approach to self-improvement quickly caught the attention of friends and family. Despite their efforts to reason with him, they were brushed off.
Police discovered Peterson’s shriveled remains after neighbors reported what they described as “crispy footsteps” coming from his apartment. Next to his bed was a journal entry reading, “Dying dry is better than living soggy.”
As the community mourns, health officials remind everyone that water is necessary to survive.
