DOGE Announces Layoffs for Thousands of Wisconsin Cows
CHILTON, WI – The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has announced sweeping layoffs across Wisconsin’s dairy industry, leaving thousands of cows suddenly unemployed.
“I gave my whole life to this farm, and now I’m just out on the street,” says Bessie, a seven-year-old Holstein from Chilton. “I don’t even know what to do next, maybe try my luck at a petting zoo?.”
The layoffs have already led to economic turmoil in rural communities.
“We’re seeing cows lining up outside Home Depot at dawn, hoping to get picked up for day labor,” says dairy farmer Carl Withers. “But they mostly just stand around mooing at contractors, and it’s not really helping their chances.”
With few options left, many of the affected cows have reportedly turned to making TikToks in hopes of becoming influencers.
