Local Dad Imposes 10% Tariff on all Easter Jelly Beans Found During Egg Hunt
MILWAUKEE, WI – Local dad Derreck Sacksniffer has imposed a 10% tariff on all jelly beans his son finds in their backyard during their annual Easter Egg Hunt which is expected to have a significant impact on the candy economy of the household.
“He walked right up, reached into my bag of jelly beans, took a huge handful of them, and just shoved them into his mouth. He didn’t even ask!,” Sacksniffer’s son Liam complained, “He said something about a jelly bean tariff? What even is that? I’m 8 years old!”
This, in turn, started a chain reaction amongst the house candy-trade market. Liam’s sister Kelsey had already brokered a deal with Liam to trade jelly beans for Robin Eggs and Peeps. Their mother, Natasha, was in negotiations with both the children for a multi-candy trade deal for Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs; a product many consider to me of the highest value on the Eater candy market. Now, the jelly bean tariffs have caused uncertainty in the household market.
“With a 10% jelly bean tariff, I now don’t have the resources to trade with my sister for her Cadbury Eggs,” Liam complained, “what was once worth a milk chocolate bunny will now be worth a dyed hard boiled egg.”
When dad was asked for comment on the impact his jelly bean tariffs could potentially have on intrahome candy commerce, a sleepy Sacksniffer with a cheeks-full of jelly beans replied, “Bwwwmmmmmickkkkkoucdisnt.”
Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article
