Babylon Bee Rebranding as “The Shitty Onion”
JUPITER, FL – In a surprise move Tuesday, conservative comedy outlet The Babylon Bee has rebranded as The Shitty Onion.
Despite the fact that conservative Christian culture has long been a hotbed of comedic talent, including zany headliners such as Kirk Cameron and Kyle Rittenhouse, the move signals a bold shift in strategy.
“We just don’t understand why our web traffic is down, our subscriber numbers have dropped, and people generally think we’re pompous, unfunny pricks,” said editor-in-chief Heim Neverlade. “Even though it’s probably them not us, we’re going forward with the name change.”
While industry insiders have called the name change “accurate,” Neverlade believes it will not affect their popularity among insufferable, tone-deaf ignoramuses who just want to enter an echo chamber to start a circle jerk about the same tired topics.
“Look, we’re an established heavyweight in the comedy world. That’s not changing,” Neverlade continued. “So no, we’re not trying to play off of The Onion, ride The Onion’s coattails, or suck The Onion’s massive cock like the naughty little worthless sluts we are like lots of people have been saying about us. Also, yeah, I applied to The Onion in 2008 and got rejected. What of it?”
While some observers have accused the now-formerly Babylon Bee of punching down and promoting comedy that carries a subtext of seething, hate-filled, holier-than-thou, myopic bullshit, Neverlade disagrees.
“What are you, Jewish? Gimme a break. Relax!” said Neverlade as he suddenly began to sweat and fidget. “Wait. Actually, that was a joke, too. See what I did there? It’s funny and okay because I’m not Jewish. That’s how comedy works. Why don’t you take out your tampon?” Neverlade continued before running away shouting “Free speech!” to no one in particular.
While Babylon Bee articles such as “Homeless Man Tricked into Finally Working as Crash Test Dummy,” “BLM Accidentally Protests at Popeye’s Chicken,” and “This Gun Does More for Me than My Public Education” have historically done well among 28- to 45-year-old white nationalist conservative pro-Israel single Christian white men clearly projecting their insecurities, it remains to be seen whether or not The Shitty Onion can achieve such heights of popularity.
Neverlade did not immediately respond to calls asking for further comment, citing his responsibilities as an unpaid Truth Social moderator.
Scott Chinsoda reporting
