Sorry We Ghosted You for 7 Days, We Have Jobs and Shit, Now Seeking Sugar Daddies… Er, Sponsors!

MILWAUKEE – Yeah – we vanished for a full week, and we’d like to extend our sincerest apologies. Life got in the way – by life, we mean jobs, chores, existential crises, and trying to decipher these damn IKEA assembly instructions.

We swear, it wasn’t a calculated move to see if anyone would actually notice our absence. Which no one did. But fear not, loyal readers! We’re back with a vengeance, a sixer of Spotted Cow, and a newfound determination to bring you the most irrelevant news possible. And speaking of determination, did we mention we’ve decided to take the bull by the horns and seek out some generous sponsors? We’re in the market for sugar daddies… er, sponsors, to help us keep our ramblings afloat.

See, the thing is, we realized that having a reliable income stream could potentially prevent us from disappearing for another unplanned week. And what better way to secure that stream than by hitching our wagon to the financial benevolence of those who believe in our cause? Think of it as an investment in all things snarky, silly, and mildly informative.

So, if you’ve ever laughed at one of our headlines, snorted coffee through your nose while reading our articles, or wondered how on earth we come up with this stuff, now’s your chance to play a vital role in the ongoing saga of Wisconsin News Today. Not only will you gain the satisfaction of knowing you’re supporting local journalism at its finest, but you’ll also earn the honorary title of “Official Sugar… Er, Sponsor Daddy/Mommy.”

To sweeten the deal, our sponsors will receive exclusive perks, such as getting a sneak peek at our pre-coffee brainstorming sessions (warning: it’s mostly us arguing about the correct pronunciation of “gif”). Thanks for following us. We really appreciate all of you.