Rodgers Vows To Go On Even DARKER Retreat After Insurance Commercial Foe, Mahomes, Wins MVP

GREEN BAY, WI- Multiple witnesses report seeing Rodgers at a Green Bay Kwik Trip, late Thursday night. Rodgers, reportedly covered head to toe in different hues of green paint entered the store picking up an array of snacks for his retreat when he heard a patron snickering and announcing to others that Mahomes won MVP.

Rodgers a long time foe of Mahomes, who also stars in insurance commercials, reportedly started talking about darkness saying things like “Darkness is a beautiful thing, it really shows you something while showing you nothing at all…silence says a lot of things often when saying nothing, and all of this BULLSHIT WOKE MEDIA SHUTOUT will ultimately bring me peace and love and enlightenment. The metals they use in these trophies are crawling with negative ions that mess with your brain frequencies!” 

By this point more and more patrons gathered as Rodgers made his way to a higher stance above on a makeshift stack Miller Lite 24-packs, asking people what made them happy. Rodgers spent the next few hours listening with wide eyes until the crowd dissipated before buying some ice and yelling “GUESS WHAT? I’M going to go EVEN DARKER, this retreat will be the darkest retreat to happen, EVER!”

Jeremiah Capra
-Sent via telepathy on my iPhone 26

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