MADISON – Wisconsin Republican Senators are conflicted about whether or not to ban a book depicting two gay guns falling in love.
Following the national trend, Republican lawmakers have taken significant steps to prevent minors from accessing books that depict nudity, sexuality, or whatever they consider “harmful to children when taken in as a whole.” The trend has had a duplicitous effect by essentially eliminating any adolescent-level books considered LGBTQ+ friendly.
Not surprisingly, no legislation has been proposed to limit the access to children being exposed to books glorifying the number one cause of death amongst children: guns.
“We can’t just sit back and let the kids get the gay. We just can’t,” commented Senator Andre Jacque, one of three Republican Senators proposing the bill, “Schools are there to teach kids about things they need in life like guns, bullets, gun ranges, gun holsters, gun cabinets, and uh… you know… other stuff.”
Recent revelations of a new children’s book have created a very rarely executed pause for contemplation by the Republican Senators. The release of a new children’s book titled Top Gun Bottom Gun by Wilma Titzgro depicts two guns of the same gender falling in love.
In the book, Smith – a male gun – falls in love after an adorable meet-cute with Wesson, another male gun. The book depicts the guns fondling one another’s triggers and shoving a variety of objects into their barrels.
Conservatives are organizing an emergency meeting to discuss how to move forward with the contentious title, but early indications are that the black and white minded conservatives are in over their heads with such a topic hovering in such confusingly contentious areas.
“We can’t ban guns, but we have to ban gays. This one’s gonna be tough to figure out how to properly gaslight people.”
Dr. Jonathan H. Dong reporting